Cold Water

She pursed her lips together and watched in the mirror as she applied the lipstick. Rouge G by Guerlain. William didn’t like glossy lipstick. His preference was for a satin finish in a deep red, and Guerlain lipstick was famous for being smudge proof. He liked that as well.

Pleased with her work, she picked up the white silk handkerchief that she had taken from his walk-in closet and used it to blot her lips. She smiled down at the perfect imprint of her lips on the silk. He won’t be mad. He’ll think it’s sexy.

She gave herself one last look in the mirror. Perfect make-up and not a hair out of place. This was going to be an anniversary to remember.

William had sent her an apologetic text earlier, saying that he was running a bit late getting out of the office. She tapped her finger on the screen of her phone to wake it up. It came to life. The wallpaper was their last family portrait from a few months ago. She looked at the image of her happy family smiling up at her. The twins were growing up fast. It was hard for her to believe that they were almost old enough for kindergarten. And William, with his Hollywood good-looks, held her close to his side, their hands resting on the twins’ shoulders. Just looking at the photo brought back the sensation warm sunlight on her shoulders and the earthy scent of the surrounding vineyard.

That was a perfect day.

7:18. William should be home by 8. She considered her reflection again for a moment, then turned around and walked across the bathroom.

The twins were on the other side of the house, in their playroom. Under the ever-watchful eyes of Stephanie, of course. She had been a godsend. Stephanie had come into their lives about a year ago and had been a game-changer. William had always said that good help was hard to find, but that wasn’t true with Stephanie. They had just sort of bumped into her and she had been a welcome part of their lives ever since. She and the twins were inseparable.

Her heels clicked on the marble floor. Christian Louboutin patent black leather high heels with their iconic red soles to match her lipstick. William would appreciate the attention to detail.

The bathroom was larger than the apartment her single mother had raised her in. Her heels echoed in the chamber that was all imported Italian marble and glass, ticking like the second hand of a clock as she approached the bathtub.

She stopped and looked out through the floor to ceiling windows that made up the east wall on the other side of the white porcelain bath. Beyond the glass was a three-story drop to the ground below. The windows gave a picturesque view of the Pinot noir vineyard and the valley beyond, illuminated by the last rays of sunlight before the approaching night. The vineyard had been in William’s family for three generations, though it was more of a hobby now than a family business. Vineyards had given way to hedge funds over the years, though the grounds were still worked and well maintained. The family label is still held in high regard.

She let the silk kimono slip from her shoulders. Black with red accents, just like her heels. Imported from Japan by a silk fabric specialist that had been in business since before the new world had its first visitors from Europe.

She watched as the twilight became deeper for a few moments before she sat at the side of the bathtub. The porcelain was cold against her bare skin, but it felt good. Clean.

It didn’t matter than the faucet for the hot water was further away than the cold. She only needed the cold water in the tub. When it was half filled, she stepped into it and didn’t care that she just ruined her expensive leather shoes.

She wanted to feel the cool water against her skin. Discomfort. Pain even. Anything would be better than nothing.

It was that god-damned handkerchief. One small red smudge on a piece of cloth that shouldn’t have been there, but yet, there it was. She imagined he must have made some half-hearted attempt at hiding it, but it had fallen next to the dirty laundry cabinet. It only caught her attention because it was something out of place in a room where nothing was ever out of place.

She shouldn’t have been surprised. A man who had never had to clean up after himself all his life couldn’t be expected to do a good job cleaning up evidence of his affair. A quick search of the location history on his phone confirmed it.

It had been going on for months. Various cheap motels in and around the city, a few times a week. Most notably, a long afternoon meeting at the Hillside Motel just off the interstate. Today.

William always gets what William wants. Even if it’s his secretary. Or colleague. It doesn’t matter who she is, he won’t care any more about her than he did the last one. Or the one before that.

Sometimes, people who are born with all the advantages and never have to struggle for everything, appreciate nothing. Her mother tried to warn her, but she couldn’t get away from the despair of a white-trash existence fast enough. Growing up poor had made her blind to certain realities.

There was a squeak from the faucet as she turned the knob. The tub was close to overflowing and the cold water wasn’t making her flesh any more numb than her heart already was.

The blade slid through skin and muscle with no resistance. She wasn’t sure that she had cut deep enough at first, but the amount of blood that blossomed into the clear water let her know she had gone through the femoral artery.

The razor belonged to her father. It was an antique, and even though he abandoned her and her mother just after her third birthday; she treasured it. The reason why was never clear to her. Maybe it represented a life that could have been. Or maybe it reminded her that even if you run away, you’ll always leave some evidence of your existence behind. All that mattered to her right now was that the edge was true.

She folded the blade back into the handle and let it drop over the side where it was caught by the silk kimono.

The water had taken on a pink hue that was darkening with each beat of her heart. The blood warming the cold water, the cold water cooling her body down until an equilibrium would be reached by both. It was the nature of things. Balance would be found.

She leaned into the exhaustion she had been fighting so hard against her whole life and relaxed down into the cold, red water up to her neck.

It was getting hard to focus her vision, but she could still see the white handkerchief on the counter, but she couldn’t see the imprint of her lipstick that she had left on it or the red smear of lipstick some other woman had left on the other side.

The message she had written in lipstick on the mirror was still easy to read, even though there was more blood in the bathtub than was still being carried through her veins.

I couldn’t let the twins turn out like you.

The twins. She loved them so much. It had broken her heart to leave them in the playroom with Stephanie, their oversized teddy bear. At least the poison worked fast, and they fell asleep cuddled on either side of the bear.

William should be home any minute.

She closed her eyes. It was time to join the twins.